NO
One of the shortest words in the English language. Only slightly longer in French: non. It doesn’t matter which official Canadian language you speak, or if another is your native tongue.
No, Non, Neh, … Is one of the most powerful words. You don’t really know what “YES” means to you, unless you also know your “NO”.
Children go through their “no stage” between 2 and 3 years of age. It is one of those emotional developmental milestones. This is when they start to express their own personality and differentiate from their parents. My daughter took great glee in shouting “NO” at the top of her lungs as she swept the cheerios, pasta and sauce or …. from the highchair to the floor. Lucky for me, my dog was happy to clean up. Some parents don’t want the mess, or don’t have a dog, so they repress their child’s no. Through anger, shame, blame, guilt… choose your poison.
Flash forward several decades: a beautiful woman in her mid forties walks into my office. The most noticeable tension is in her neck as there are chords of steel running up from her shoulders to her head. We explore who may be a pain in the neck – there is some laughter and tears. She comments on some knots she feels in her throat. I encourage her to give those “nots” a voice.
As she starts to list the things in her life she does not want to do, her neck softens. The word is shortened from not to no. She softly says “no” then suddenly louder “nO”, “nO”, “NO”, ‘NO”, “NO”!!! Her eyes open – the world is soft and light. It is not hard and dark to say no.
A new word can be raw and scary, though, so I encourage her to practice in my office. As she walks into the world – I invite her to practice saying no inside. Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 months of saying no inside, until one day your mouth opens and that little word flies out. Some call it setting boundary setting, others say it is expressing passion. I see people coming into their own strength and power as they say no.
If women and men say no to sexual abuse, or sexual acts they do not want to participate in. What if women and men said no to less pay for equal work? What if people said no to global warming. The world could be a softer, lighter place to live.
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