I’m considering the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EI) this week… what is it, how does it manifest in life and how is it possible to access? The podcast this week is all about how to build your emotional intelligence, click here to listen!
This topic was triggered for me when I was riding my bike to work and decided I’d actively look for people who seemed joyful. … and that was a challenge! There were some: other cyclists, people who were out with children or dogs. Definitely NOT people in cars.
I started wondering what it may be that brought joy to people.
For me, it is partially the pace of biking – moving slowly and steadily, being outside and able to see the flowers blossoming, feeling the wind and rain on my face, chatting with people at stop lights and having fresh air and exercise. Not every other cyclist smiled as I biked past, however there were many who mirrored my enjoyment.
People who were around children were often smiling or laughing. There was a sense of abandon and pleasure, movement. Dogs were another common thread of joy. People were smiling at their dogs or other dogs or people with dogs. Their bodies were often in movement and open. Sometimes there was body stillness, always with some movement, maybe speaking with a hint of a smile or laughter.
My heart felt warm, light and liquid. The feeling moved throughout my body and enhanced my ride as colors became brighter and the movement through my legs more fluid. This is the feeling of joy in me. In this moment I was connected to my personal emotional intelligence. I was aware of my emotion, my inner self and the world around me. So what about you? Focus on joy, what does it feel like in you? How can you find out? Check out the meditation link to get started!
What is emotional intelligence? In short, it’s the ability to read other people’s feelings and your own. If you can read emotions accurately, then you are able to move through the world with greater ease. You can also expand your repertoire of emotions. I have worked with people on an emotional level for over 30 years. In general, most people are comfortable in one or two of the main emotions. And it IS possible to learn to be comfortable in them all.
What emotional state are you comfortable in? Rate the following statements with:
5= very much like me
4= like me
3= neutral
2= unlike me
1= very much unlike me
These statements are descriptors of emotional states and can change. There is no right or wrong, good or bad – simply an opportunity to claim your current emotional response. Go with your gut – don’t over think!
1) I’m generally a little nervous or even anxious through the day.
2) The news is always sad, I find it quite depressing.
3) There’s nothing I love more than dancing.
4) Rallies and political action gets me fired up.
5) When I belly laugh with others, I’m with kindred spirits.
6) I jump out of bed in the morning, excited to start my day.
Try not to judge yourself here. There is NO positive or negative emotion – they are all equally good. All have valid, necessary times to be expressed in the world. However, we often are taught that certain ones are better than others. For example, joy is “better” than anger. Joy is beautiful, light, fun and can be a wonderful emotion to feel. However, if someone needs to bring about social change, then anger can be the spark that creates action and continues the momentum. Think of the environmental activist Erin Brockovich, her anger over water contamination and cancer deaths and resulted in a successful lawsuit.
What was your top score? That’s your emotion of comfort. Even if you think it’s “bad”. Embrace it and enjoy the fact that you can feel this emotion. You can feel the others too. The 6 basic emotions are: Fear, Sadness, Love, Anger, Joy, Excitement.
How can you increase your emotional intelligence?
- put your device away (phone, tablet…)
- lift your head, open your eyes and ears and be curious (not judgemental)
Questions to ask yourself:
- what facial expression do you see?
- how does the person hold their body?
- how do you feel inside yourself? Do you mirror the emotion or do you feel unsettled?
This is a great experiment to do while using public transport! I’d love to hear from you.
Here is a link to an interesting article that looks at the significance of EQ now and in the future. It is specifically about millennials and providing a workplace that brings out the best of their emotional intelligence.
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